The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.