The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.