I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.